EXES: ARE WE FRIENDS OR FOE?

Picture courtesy of PurePure.tumblr.com
Picture courtesy of PurePure.tumblr.com

By Nyakirugumi Njuguna

In life, we find that special person or people fall in love or in like, as some of us who are allergic to the ‘Love’ word like to call it. Then follows the honey moon period when both of you are walking hand in hand over the rainbow and into the pot of gold. After a few months, the pretence wears off and we start seeing each other for who we truly are.  Eventually, we start pissing each other off. Squeezing the toothpaste from the wrong end, leaving clothes lying on the floor, appearing late on dates, taking each other for granted or even cheating that causes these relationships to end.  Depending on the reason for the break up, some endings are calm and mature but who are kidding, majority of relationships end in hysteria.

We then go our separate ways and try hard to forget about them. We cannot ignore that sappy love song or that gift lying around in the house, which slaps their memory back into our heads. Before we know it poof! We are over them. A few months down the line we bump into them. In my experience this usually happens when we are having a bad hair day, doing a walk of shame from wicked party the previous night…u know, when we looking a little off. Then the awkward pause, the rush of adrenaline, your mind goes on overdrive and the racing heartbeat .Then comes the awkward conversation full of verbal diarrhea and gibberish. The weird hug and then we say our goodbyes.

Someone once said the only constant thing in life is change. We meet new people all the time get into relationships and end some. But at the end of the day life has to move on. We are then left with the question is my ex my friend or my foe? The answer to this question is determined by the terms of the break up and if we still need these people in our lives.

For most people it is easier to say foe. What is the point of extending an olive branch to the person who brought a lot of hurt and pain in our lives? Or worse what is the point of propagating a relationship with our exes? For those of us who value escapism it is easier avoiding the problem than dealing with it.

Friendship between exes is possible contrary to popular belief. First, it is important to acknowledge that at one pointing our lives our worlds revolved around these people and they brought joy into our lives. Whether we like it or not, they are always going to be a part of our lives. Life is too short for grudges. Second, we must learn not to blame ourselves or each other for the fallout, there is always a reason for things not working out and it is time to move on. Third, it is important to create boundaries, agree on what is acceptable and what is not and respect those boundaries. Finally, do not look at the relationship with regret, it was a lesson, today you are ten times wiser than yesterday. It is better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all.

 

 

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