Virginity or Chastity?

No Hymen believed to be a sign of virginity, No wedding ring

A lot has been said about virginity in our societies. Proof of virginity before marriage is so important in many communities such as the Somalis, Swahilis, and Arabs among many others, often making them go to extreme lengths to confirm the virginity status of a woman after marriage. I have heard of weird stories of the wedding night where relatives wait outside the door or some go to the extent of waiting inside the room for evidence that the lady was a virgin. This is sometimes followed by a bizarre occasion where the bride’s family dance in pride with the blood stained bed sheet, celebrating the ‘chastity’ of their daughter. This could turn to be quite the embarrassment to those who had already lost their virginity, forcing them to look for herbal medicine or even surgery to repair or replace her hymen just to regain the ‘virginity’ status so that to bleed on the next intercourse as a proof of virginity. All this trouble is to prove that it was indeed the husband who ‘deflowered’ her.

It is important to note that the virginity status of a man cannot be confirmed. Can we really confirm the virginity status of a woman? Should we concentrate on virginity or chastity to measure a person purity, honour and worth?

Virginity is the status of a person who has never had sex (many exclude oral sex, anal sex and mutual masturbation). Virginity of a woman has been tested by the presence of an intact hymen examined by a physician or by the ‘proof of blood’ as a result of tearing the hymen resulting into vaginal bleeding during first sexual intercourse. Stretching open the hymen during the first vaginal sexual encounter can cause some pain or bleeding.

I would like to emphasize that the presence or absence of a hymen is not a reliable indicator of whether a woman has been sexually (vaginally) penetrated. Here are some important facts for everyone to know. The hymen is a thin film of membrane situated just inside the vulva, which can partially occlude the entrance to the vaginal canal. It is flexible and can be stretched or torn during first engagement in vaginal intercourse. The hymen can easily be broken during strenuous physical activities. Some kids have fragile hymen that maybe already perforated at birth or can be broken during childhood athletic activities and slip while riding a bicycle can result in breaking the hymen. Some women are born with so little hymenal tissue to cause any notable change during first vaginal intercourse. Some but rare are born without a hymen!

The intact hymen as a sign of virginity

It is true some women bleed a lot during the first vaginal sexual penetration, some have minimal bleeding while some women don’t notice any bleeding.

With that I think I have answered my questions raised above. Virginity is a complex topic, and it cannot be really proven scientifically. What we should be dwelling on is chastity and not virginity. Chastity is sexual purity, in the thoughts, words and actions. One time I had an interesting conversation during youth gatherings, about whether they would rather get a wife who has had all other sexual things but just not vaginal penetration and waiting for you to ‘deflower’ her for her to go back and finish what she started with all the men she has been with, or get a wife who have had few or even one vaginal penetration and chosen to become sexually chaste and vow to remain that way?

As for me, I Pray I get a chaste woman who would remain chaste with me. God bless us all!

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